Why Women Need Other Women

I remember when I was in high school saying, “Girls are awful. I don’t need girlfriends anyways. Guys are so much better.”

I was tired of the emotional warfare that girls, especially adolescent girls, are so good at. This statement stemmed from a place of hurt, a place of not knowing how to work through the drama surrounding my female friendships, of being attracted to the apparent ease of intimacy with men.

In many ways, men are far easier to have friendships with. They don’t typically have a lot of expectations for emotional commitment, they {usually} just say what they mean, they are great at easy compliments, the kind that are awesome when you need a quick-fix confidence booster.

But men have no idea what it’s like to be a woman. They don’t battle the massive attack on body image, the constant criticisms of every role we fill {wife, mother, employee, etc.}, the oversexualization of our persons and paradoxical expectations of purity, the deep desire to be at once nurtured & protected, as well as nurturing & independent.

When my friend Melissa published a feature about the kids and I on her blog, I was completely caught off guard by the sweet things she said. My initial reaction was disbelief: Superwoman? Me? Yeah right.

But as I read & reread her post, something changed in my heart. I couldn’t help smiling, a swelling sense of being seen coming over me. Melissa is one of the most joyful souls I’ve ever met, you can tell she has so much love in her heart, and it’s infectious. I knew, even if I wanted to deny it, that she really saw in me the things she wrote about. In this little article I suddenly saw myself differently.

I realized, we need other women to tell us we are strong.

We need other women to tell us we are capable.

We need other women to tell us we are beautiful.

We need other women to tell us we are worthy.

We need other women to cheer us on.

We need other women to acknowledge the struggles of motherhood.

We need other women to pray for us.

We need other women to laugh with, to cry with.

We need other women to remind us who we are.

We need other women because we will always be looking at other women to see where we measure up, we need those authentic friends to come along side us and say “I see you. I see your beauty. I believe your truth. You are right where you need to be, let me walk with you. Let’s have a cup of coffee and focus on who we are today, not who we should be or could be.”

We need other women because there is a unique & special ability we have to understand the common hurts we all experience and the incredible gift of being able to empower each other with the things we admire in each other.

In the last couple weeks, I’ve been overwhelmed by the love I’ve received, the vulnerability I’ve been able to share, & the empowering affirmations I’ve been given. As someone who spent years with absolutely no sense of self-worth, the healing that has started even in the midst of heartbreak has been God sent. The effort it takes to find women of authenticity is worth it. I’m thankful for each and every one of you who has come into my life & made it a better place.

xoxo, B

I’ll Love You For Five Years & Always

I’ll love you for forever.

It’s what we vowed, to choose each other, always.

The hardest part of this process is realizing that our always only lasted five years. For five years, you were the only person I ever wanted. All of my best memories, all of my plans were wrapped up in you.

Five years worth of forever.

I’m still not sure how to wrap my head or my heart around this ending. I am able to let go, knowing that even if others will disagree with me, I have done absolutely everything I could to fight for us — to fight for you. There’s a part of me that’s bitter, broken. Desperately wanting to know what I could have done differently. There will be your list of things of course, things that you’ll say pushed you over the edge. I get that. I know I caused you hurt and I know there were issues with how I handled things. After all, I’m only human.

I’m realizing how much we love differently when we believe it’s forever. I’m realizing how much I enabled and excused the things that happened in our home, holding to my mantra: this is just a season.

It took me a very long time, but I finally realized that circumstances are a season. Choices are not.

I know I’m going to cry every time I hear Ed Sheeran. It’ll take me a while to be able to eat at Cactus again. Starbucks BOGO days will never feel the same. I’ll watch our favorite movies and hear your commentary every time. I know my heart will break fresh every time something new comes up to remind me.

You’ll exist in most of the corners of my life, for five years we did it together.

So I’ll keep loving you, baby, even as I let you go.

I’ll love you for five years & always.

xoxo, B

Hello Sunshine

Does anyone else just fall in love with the sun every time it comes up?

Even though February isn’t even over yet, I’m already in full on spring mode. 3 straight days of sun? Sorry winter, we are officially breaking up.

I like my winters short, sweet, and to the point. Give me some barren chill for the holiday season and then it’s time to move on. I’m one of those weirdos who can drink hot coffee, cocoa, and cider all year long, I don’t need the cold for an excuse, but I have to admit that Christmas wouldn’t feel like Christmas without some snap in the frosty air.

Spring, on the other hand, could last forever in my ideal world. It always feels to me as though the earth is stretching, there’s a cosmic openness that begins to happen, and I love watching the earth dust herself off and start to bloom.

For this little household, spring started on Saturday when this mama finally got to bring some Pike Place Market blooms into the house, along with a birthday party for a very dear friend.

Pike Place Flowers

What better way to welcome in spring than with good company, sunshine, and cupcakes. For the occasion, I tried out a new recipe: Paleo Lemon Cupcakes with Blackberry frosting. Thankfully they turned out perfectly, moist and flavorful, and so clean that I may or may not have let Tiny eat one for breakfast two days in a row…

IMG_9034

Don’t tell me you don’t want one.

With the new season, I’ve also started to feel a renewal in my soul. Struggling with the many curveballs life keeps throwing wore me down over the winter, but I’m finding a lot of joy in little things. Yesterday I took the time to make some broth with a leftover chicken and also fixed a tuna-casserole-sans-tuna-with-chicken {haha} for a quick dinner tonight.

Homemade Chicken Broth

IMG_9031

Being in my tiny kitchen, listening to my Tiny person playing princesses, with the sun streaming in my huge dining room window does good things to my heart. Having company, fixing healthy, flavorful meals, and enjoying fresh flowers does good things to my home. I have found a lot of healing over the years in just taking these quiet moments and savoring them.

So here’s to the quiet moments of spring — the smell of raw, raw earth thawing, the snippets of color as daffodils show their faces, the embracing warmth of sunlight, the soothing beat of rain nurturing the growth enfolding.

Welcome spring, hello sunshine.

xoxo, bcb

xoxo, B