Hi, it’s me, B. Mom, wife, author of this blog, and very, very, very human.
Typically when I sit down to write, it’s because I want to share an exciting moment, a positive experience, or a perspective on an issue at hand.
But sometimes, none of those things come to mind.
Some days, like today, are rough.
I cried a lot today.
I cried because my daughter spilled her water again and I had to help her wipe it up.
I cried because she wouldn’t listen to me at all.
I cried because she screamed for three minutes straight when I put her down for her nap.
I cried because two clients have been on my back about their orders and the post office hasn’t cooperated.
I cried because even after my taking my medicine I still spent 15 minutes trying not to throw up.
I cried because my husband didn’t follow through on things he’s said he would do and I’m stressed about our timeline.
I cried because my husband told me his day was hard but didn’t ask me about mine.
I cried because I haven’t seen my best friends in months and I miss them so. much.
I cried because I have to give Tiny a bath tonight and it’s always a nightmare to wash her hair.
I cried because I want coffee but I’m afraid of throwing it up.
I cried because I just wanted to shop at Marshall’s but Tiny threw a fit so we had to leave.
I cried because when I threw away my plate from dinner, my fork fell outside the garbage and I left it there.
I cried because my house is such a mess and no matter how hard I try to keep it clean, it always falls apart.
I’m crying because I’m struggling with the balance of being a mom, wife, and homemaker and I feel like no one sees how hard I try.
But I know it’s normal, and it’s okay. I can have days when I cry. It doesn’t make me a bad mom, wife, or homemaker to break down sometimes. There’s a taboo among adult women when it comes to talking about our feelings, as though it’s considered childish or needy.
We talk about the reasons our children cry. We talk about the things our husbands struggle with. We make sacrifices without expecting anything back and for some reason, it feels so wrong to ask for support.
Every day in my mom groups, I see these beautiful women ask for advice on raising their children, on supporting their husbands, on being “good” housewives. I get messages almost daily from people who read this blog or ladies who value my advice, asking me what I’d do in different situations when they don’t feel strong enough on their own. Sometimes I think I come across as though I have it all together, even though that’s never been my intention.
So here’s the truth: I don’t have anything together.
One of my absolute favorite quotes is by Augusten Burroughs and says “I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.”
You see, I cry a lot. Over small things and big, important things and not. I try and stumble forward eloquently and fail often.
But I want you to know that I have these days too. The days when you’re not quite sure you’re good enough for the task at hand and the sheer enormity of life seems too much to handle. Sometimes, the most healing thing to do, is to remember all the reasons I cried today and look at each one with the knowledge that this too shall pass.
So if you cried today too, just know that I’m reaching my hand out to hold yours in the atmosphere and you’re in my thoughts tonight and always.